Diary of a Mad Man

Life in General

2006-10-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

For those of you who read this, thank you. Your time and comments mean a lot. They almost make writing this worth while.
Big news this week is that I will most likely be heading to Thailand during my spring break. WOW!!! Nothing like a trip half way around the world to scare the crap out of you. OK, so I'm not that scared, but it will be diffrent than my previous missionary experience. On this trip I will be a complete outsider, I won't know the language, and there will be no "adult" chaperones along. It will be just one more case of God pushing me out of my comfort zone this year. To be completly honest, I have never been more uncomfortable, more stressed out, or more dependent on God than I am at this very moment.
Another idea that just came about this evening was the thought of creating a diffrent blog composed of stories of love and thoughts on love. I've started reading C.S. Lewis' book, "The Four Loves," and I thought it would be good to get others thoughts on love. Feel free to leave a ton of comments.

So until next time......take 'er easy.

Roll With The Changes

2006-09-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

Wow! College! New! Exciting! Ok, enough with the excamitory statements. College has been amazing so far. Two weeks in and I have already met my future wife. Ok, that's not entirley true. In fact, I haven't been hanging out with very many girls which, if you know much about my friends from Willmar(mostly females), is odd. Oh well, that leaves more time for important things, like music. I have a ton of free time and, being a music major, I use them to play guitar. Home work hasn't been too bad(so far).

Something else new is that I have the opportunity to go to Thailand during spring break. The leader of that trip lives on my floor and has been pressuring me to go. It may just happen. Well, I need to get some sleep. So, until next time, have an awesome week/day.

P.S.: I try to title all of my posts with a title of a song. If you can guess the name of the artist, leave a message. Have Fun.

Time to Move on

2006-06-03T00:15:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been some time since my last entry. It seemed my life was busy, but i can't recall with what. Graduation had something to do with it. Now that its over(exception:the ceremony itself) i should have more time to do the things i want to do. I start working on Monday. i have three jobs lined up for this summer, all part-time. This should give me a nice change of pace. As for music, i am still doing my best on many diffrent worship teams, but i find myself wanting more stability in the people i play with. I want to play with other musicians enough to know what he/she will do in a paticular situation. I find being in a serious band intreguing, something i would love to experience. God will put me where he wants me though. In the field of women: no new changes, but i can't help but have haope for the future. I have a few girls that i am intrested in dating, but i am still waiting for more direction from God on this matter. Above all, i am trying to serve Him in all i do. He will put me where i need to be and with whom i need to be with as long as i surrender to Him. Just too reitterate, I am happy for graduation and the new places God is taking me. It will be good to get out of this town for a while, to change. Only God can bring about true change, so i'm believing Him for it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. May God bless you for your part in my life.

Lose Myself

2006-04-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since i've added anything to this site, so here it goes. last night, i went to the Cool Hand Luke concert at Club 3 Degrees. It was a great show all around. The opening band, Beside Still Water, was from Fargo and they sounded good. The second band, the Myriad, was amazing. I thought they may even out do the headliner, but i was wrong. Cool Hand Luke was incerdible. The music was so well written and the overall message was not one of preaching, but one of a sincere love that can only come from God. The Holy Spirit was obviously working on a few hearts. Mark's message seem to connect to everyone. After the concert, we brought Andrew Cook back to his dorm room and proceeded to go home, or so we thought. We took a wrong turn somewhere along the line and lost our way. The miles of road construction didn't help at all, we couldn't find an exit anywhere. We ended up finding a gas station and, contrerie to popular belief, three MEN asked for directions. While we were lost, i remembered how i felt. I thought how much worse it would feel to be on the road of life and not have a map or even know where one is going. just something to think about.

All Hail the Heartbreaker

2006-03-29T20:39:00.000-08:00

Listening to a song by the group calledThe Spill Canvas, one of the lines hit me. The song is "All Hail the Heartbreaker" and it seems as though it was written from a guy to a girl. The guy has a broken heart and this song is his "last word" in the relationship. This is what i took the song as. I was looking for a song of this nature because of recent events. I was enjoying the song when the last phrase hit me; "...you've got me down on my knees and i proclaim, all hail the heartbreaker." then i asked myself, "who breaks more hearts than God?" not in the bad sense, he has a reason for it. Maybe it is because our plans didn't work out the way we wanted(my case), or your heart has been broken by the opposite sex(my case), or the death of a loved one(my case); all our hearts have been broken at one time or another. Who do you think is controling this crazy universe we live in? we have free choice, but he controls our consequences. Everything that happens to us is meant to draw us closer to him. So in regards to recent events, ALL HAIL THE HEARTBRAEKER

Die Tonight

2006-03-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

Death is unbelievable. Three frinds of mine have died before their 19th birthday. No graduation, no college, no life after high school. My only comfort is knowing that God was not surprised by this. He didn't plan anymore days for those boys. God's love is eternal.

desperately wanting

2006-03-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

most of the people that stay up to date with this blog are people that i care about and who care about me. i want to tell you how my life has been lately. dry, empty, alone, and callosed are a few words that describe the way i feel at the moment. God is putting me through something i never thought i could endure: feeling nothing. please pray for me.

Give it Up

2006-03-07T19:15:00.001-08:00

I quit myspace. I had toyed with the idea for a while and now, i finally did it. For those of you who wanted to know things about me like what i like in music or who my heroes are just ask, i'll be more than happy to tell you. It feels good to get the monkey off my back.

Down With the Sickness

2006-03-03T21:17:00.000-08:00

Here's a little update. At the moment i am feeling quite sick and wish it would go away. i just got done watching the first Walker Texas Ranger episode with a few guys, it was awesome. Last weekend my band placed second in the Warehouse band tournament. I recently turned 18 years old. pretty exciting week, hope yours was the same.

The Fires of Life

2006-02-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

I believe in sanctification. When our walk with Christ becomes "easy" we need to ask God to bring us to a diffrent place; this is our responsibility as serious followers. If you ask God to do this, be prepared to go through the fire. God wants every part of us; EVERY PART. as i go through this time of testing, God is getting rid of everything he doesn't want me to be involved with. all my selfish desires and sinful attitudes are being demolished and whatever is left, God can use for his purpose. this process is like body-building. it takes hard work and pain beyond measure to get to a point where you are ready to compete. pray for me as i go through the fire.

Between a Man and a Women

2006-02-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

So i was listening to some U2 on my way home from a movie when i heard the lyrics, "...losing love to find romance..." Now, i'm not sure what the boys from U2 were thinking when they wrote this song, but that line hit me. Have i been risking true love to find romance? God has always been there for me with true, untainted love and i have been on a search for simple romance. Does that make any sense to you? i am so caught up in this world and what my life is supose to look like that i lose sight of the only relationship that matters. God simply amazes me. He can use a U2 song to teach me about love. Why? because he loves me.

Talkin' About the Good Times

2006-01-31T21:10:00.000-08:00

When's the last time you had a good convorsation with someone? This is one thing that i can't seem to get enough of. People intregue me and so talking with them, hearing their stories, discussing issues, listening to their problems is very intresting to me. so if anyone feels like chatting i am up for it. don't be shy.

Runnin' Down a Dream

2006-01-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

So North Central University accepted me for the fall of '06. I received my letter last night and today i received a scolorship letter. Can you say awesome? Maybe you can't, but this is still great news. I'm still not sure about what program i will enter, but music will be a part of it. Ever want to fast-forward life and see where you'll be 5 years from now? I feel so anctious about the future. Not that i'm that worried about it, i just want to see what's gonna happen.

Still looking for love. the only place i seem to find it is in Christ(funny how that works). For those of you that read this i would ask that you please pray for me. I need all the help i can get. Any advice would be greatly appriciated as well.

These are the days that I've been missing....

2006-01-19T20:52:00.000-08:00

I have been pleased with how my senior year has gone so far. My classes at the moment are what i've always hoped for. I have a class in which i play guitar for an hour and a half; how cool is that? But i am enjoying this year for another reason. For 6 years prior to this year i have always noticed certin groups of friends hung out with each other and it was hard for other kids to join that group. i haven't noticed those groups as much anymore. some are still prevolent, but others are not. I have hung out with many diffrent people, people i would have never thought of hanging out with before. I really enjoy that part. my goal for the rest of the year is to make some lasting friendships and have some good convorsations with my classmates.

...and the beat goes on

2006-01-07T15:26:00.000-08:00

i haven't posted anything for a while, mabey it is because nobody leaves comments on my postings. mabey it's cause i've been busy, or lazy. whatever the reason, here is my first post of '06. my week was exciting, i put my car in the ditch. it all went in slow motion, like a movie. wasn't that bad of an experience. bought a new CD. john mayer trio's "try". john is stepping away from his poppy sound of former days and is doing what he really wants to, be a blues guitar player. i admire him for his step out of the lime-light.

i hope to be spending some time with a certin special someone tomorow night, mabey tonight as well. she had to work last night, which was a shame. life is like that sometimes though.

Speak-easy?

2005-12-12T21:04:00.000-08:00

I was approched to speak for a sunday morning service. Wait, is that right? yeah, i guess it is correct. the notion was kind of out of the blue. Tom Paulke asked me if i would speak on my convention experience and my call into the ministry. i like to tell that story, but 800 people? God is certinly streaching me. with great gifts come great responsibility. my call is one of the greatest gifts i can think of and i guess i have to tell the story.

Is she out there?

2005-11-22T19:54:00.000-08:00

For a few years i have been worrying about the women i would marry some day. I know that day should be a few days ahead, but i don't think it hurts to think about it. i started dating a girl about a year ago and that relationship seemed great, i really like her. but things didn't go acording to my plan. she seemed so happy, but i guess she's a good actor, or i'm blind. now, i am starting to get to know a certain young woman and i enjoy her very much. we aren't dating, but i may be able to see it in the future. the only problem is, i have a hard time taking her seriously. she seems very genuine, but so did the last girl i dated. have i closed my mind to the point where i believe that no woman could ever truly enjoy my company? have i become so jaded by my previous relationship that i won't trust anyone else, ever?

Unfortunatly, my quest and my pondering take a considerable amount of time away from my most important relationship: the one with my creator. it seems so much harder than it used to be. i seem to waste my time, then regret wasting it later. like now, i am wasting time. guess thats it. bye

Oooooooklahoma

2005-11-08T15:34:00.000-08:00

Well, what can i say about the south. it is a fun place to be, it is warm, people are great, it is a long way down there. about 12 hrs one way. dorm life was pretty fun for a few days, i stayed with some cool guys. met some new people. went to see the movie flight plan, great flick. didn't meet any southern belles there so i don't think i'll be going to oru.

Stuff Happens

2005-11-03T21:52:00.000-08:00

Well, plans change. Being a senior in highschool people tend to ask what i will be doing next year. For a while i was telling them i didn't know. Later, I started telling them i was seriously looking at recording school but after MYC '05 and my recent visit to IPR in Minneapolis i have changed my mind, believe it or not. Years ago i was called into the music ministry at a summer camp. After years of no measurable progress, I gave up on that dream and ran to something that would quiet the questions about the future, at least for a while. I don't think people realize what those questions do to seniors and even juniors. We end up so concerned about the future that we don't care about the present. Anyhow, youth convention was amazing. The week before we left I asked myself and God a simple question: what if i was ready for convention? What if I asked God to do something amazing? So i prayed quite often and asked God to blow my mind. He proceeded to blow me completely out of the water, so to speak.

The preacher gave a call to come to the alter if you felt called to the ministry. I made my way out of my seat and down to the alter, sorta. I wasn't near the front at all. After a few songs, i thought i was done, but God had a diffrent plan for that afternoon. He sent someone to tell me i needed to go closer to the alter, that he had more for me. Even the person he sent blew my mind besides the fact he singled me out in a crowd of thousands. I went down front and began to weap: i had never felt this way. Youth leaders began to pray for me and things went crazy; i could hardly stand up. Jon asked me what i was thinking, i told him i was thinking about the call i received years before. he asked me if i had been running, i told him that i had been. that question has stuck with me: am i running away from the plan? Am i so caught up in me that i've lost the vision? I pray i won't loose that vision, ever.

So what is that vision you may ask? I have a few clues but the overall picture is still blury. God will clear things up as time passes and i'm ok with that. When those people ask what i'm doing next year, i will be honest: i don't know for sure.

If you ever feel stagnent in your faith, ask God to shake things up and believe he will.

New post

2005-10-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

What did i do today you may be asking? Well, i'll tell you. I went to school at 7 to edit a video for someone else, which ended up being a waste of time because it didn't work. Then i went to school, sorta. For my first block class we were able to leave to work on our projects. my partner and i went to the court house first. the kind guard asked us if we had court today. we told him no and explained our situation, that we were just looking for property values. he told us to go to another place, so we did. We made it there just in time for them to tell us we needed to go to another place. our search ended in success when we found what we were looking for. we still had time before we had to go back to school, so we stopped for breakfast at Frieda's cafe. it was awesome. school came and went. after school i went straight to church to edit the video i didn't in the morning. the video edited great and turned out good, in my humble opinion. i could'nt manage to get the edited video back on the tape so i called my good friend Matt Cherry. He came to church after work and fixed the problem. i then went to Lulu Beans to deliver the finished tape to a very grateful Megan Burton. She made me a drink and i went on my way to the highschool to pick up something i forgot and then to my aunt's house for beef stew. great meal. there. i made a new post for you all. be happy. it may happen again.

Not again.

2005-10-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

Well, if you know anything about love, you know it can stink sometimes. Someone i trusted and admired for being an awesome person let me down, again. We dated for a good 5 months, broke up, and just recently were getting back together, until she dropped a bomb. She had mentioned the name of another guy a few times and i didn't think it was healthy that she spend more time with him than yours truely so i asked her if i was wasting my time. She told me i was, and my heart proceeded to break for a second time. Did i read it right? did she just do what i think she did? How could this be? She was the one with the idea of getting back together. She told me she missed being with me. She said she was ready to try again. She was the one concerned that some of her previous actions may wreak any chance between us. What happened? She told me that when she was with me, it was just like before, and that wasn't good. Her friends had told her that she acted diffrent when i was with her. i guess i didn't know her as well as i thought i did. oh well. i'll get through this just like last time. but this will be the last time, with her. i am definetly willing to try with someone else. Is there a girl for me? I guess only time will tell for sure. I have my eyes open always but i will most certinly take it easy for a while.

Last Chance to Breathe

2005-09-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

Spoken has a new CD out and one of the songs really hit me. The song sounds like it was written about a man and a women but i took it another way. the chorus goes "the only thing i'm asking is that you love me the way i love you. the only thing i'm asking is for you to love me in return." the verse has a part where it says "...to be the one you dreamed about...." I think God, because he loves us so much, is watching over us and saying these things all the time. he longs to be the one we dream of, not worldly things or a certin someone special. he wants to show us how to love him as he loves us. i know i have no idea how he loves me but he wants to show us. mabey not all but parts.

Basketball!

2005-07-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. Tonight, along with many other nights this summer, i played basketball. This summer has been diffrent in that way. Insted of going out to eat or something lazy like that, a couple of friends an i go and play a few games. It doesn't even seem like exercise, but it sure is fun. I am also getting to know my friends better as well. Thank you James Nasmith for inventing the game, even though he was from Canada.

Count Your Blessings

2005-07-17T21:19:00.000-07:00

Ever feel under-appreceated? Well this past week i did. I felt like i wasn't getting my due. But i soon realized that God never promised us treaseures here on earth. So while i was looking for my pat on the back, i could have been looking forward to heaven and all the rewards there. So i left it at that until Sat. afternoon at Sonshine. I ran into one of my kids i counsiled at camp this summer and his father. After we chatted about the festival and other things we started talking about camp and his son's expeirience there. His father said he had a great time and was really impacted. He then thanked me for being a servent. Then we said our good-byes and i walked away. While walking away, God remined me about when i was angry with him over not getting any credit. He said, in so many words, "there you go. you had never met this father before and he's already thanking you. he doesn't know half of the things you have done for me, but I do." That blindsided me. I hope the next time someone praises you for your service to the Lord, that you stop and think of this.

Sonshine 2005, Oh Yeah!

2005-07-15T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hey all, just got home from Sonshine and it was great. See a lot of good bands, see old friends, and meet new ones. Like this evening. As i was walking back to my car, two boys of about 11-13 asked me who i had just seen. I told them and we conversed back and fourth for a few minutes while walking in the same direction. We then parted company, mabey for the last time. I never did catch their names, but i think we really conected. Oh yeah, sunburns aren't very cool. Ha ha, sunburns, cool. You get it?

):Teenagers:(

2005-07-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

Teenagers these days. Can't live with them, can't kill em. I was managing at work tonight which means that before anyone can go, I had to make sure they could. Well, to make a long story short, a friend let me down. Usually i can trust him to do good work, but tonight he left before i said he could. He didn't even tell me he was leaving. This really put me behind schedule and i got out of work an hour late. I am kind of peeved, do i have the right to be?

Wisdom Teeth

2005-07-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

Well for those of you who don't know, i had my wisdom teeth stolen from me on friday. i could probably identify the man who took them, but i guess if he really wants them, he can keep them. But seriously, it hasn't been as bad as i thought it would be. The way everyone made it seem i thought i was gonna beg for death by the end, but they were wrong(or mabey i was). Sorry i couldn't go fishing with you this weekend Matt. I miss everyone i haven't seen, but soon enough we will be reaquanted.

Los Lonely Boysssah!

2005-07-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

Well it's happened. I can honestly say i am a Los Lonely Boys fan. I listened to them this evening and was practicing guitar with them. they are fun to play along too. I like playing along with CDs and stuff, it makes you a better player in my opinion. I was also talking to my friend, Matt Cherry. He's a cool kat. I think i'll ask if he wants to go fishing sometime. that would be a blast.